she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
