just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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