That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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