Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
