I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
