remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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