absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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