Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
