it wasn't lemon gatorade
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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