Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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