The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
