we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
