You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
