If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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