I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
