Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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