I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
