Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
