So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
