it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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