Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
