My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
