I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
