Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
