She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
