Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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