I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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