So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Houston, we have a blender
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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