How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
