sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize