my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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