evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
