How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
