Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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