I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
