I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
