I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
