It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My first STD was from a foam party
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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