At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
