His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
