so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
