remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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