just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize