I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
