meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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