There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
