Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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