This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
