I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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