I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize