is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
