How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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