The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
