Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
