You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
