its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
