Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
