You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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