Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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