girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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