Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
