We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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