I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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