I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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