so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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