im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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