I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
