Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
