I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
