hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
