peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
