I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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