that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize