I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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