Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
