my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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