I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize