I hate your face
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
