Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize