I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
