The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
