.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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