Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
