and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize