Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize