If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
