Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
